I think I need an evaluation. On any given day, I'm thinking about my kids roughly 19 hours of the day. I do try to sleep for the other 5 hours. Sometimes I even log in a solid 6 hours. If it's been 7, I hope someone will check to make sure I am still alive.
Because I have a great mom who worries about me (a task that I'm quite sure is Chapter One in the Mommy Manual), she lovingly suggested that I take some time away. I think she said something along the lines of, "I'm worried about you. You need to take some time for yourself." Subtle. To which I think I responded with a look of total confusion and asked her to repeat herself. Time for myself? What is this magical thing of which you speak?
Given this amazing opportunity, I jumped at the chance. Of course, planning such an auspicious event is almost too complicated to make it worth it. K has started summer school which means that carpools needed to be arranged. Both girls needed somewhere to go or something to do during the afternoon. Lord knows I needed to do laundry. Mapquest got a workout from me, too. I ran out of time and left the refrigerator practically bare (sorry, Honey).
Planning was done and we set out on our 2 day adventure. Normal people would leave their work thoughts behind by the time they hit the freeway. I think I finally started to sort of unwind about 8 hours after we left home and into my first margarita.
I'd like to tell you that I was able to just not think about my responsibilities for a couple of days. I knew that all was well at home and that everything was under control and the world was not going to come to a screeching halt without me there to keep it turning. The truth is, though, that I found it impossible to totally disconnect from my constant thoughts about my family - probably due to the fact that S kept texting me. In the interest of full disclosure, I not only thought about, but spent a great deal of time talking about, the impending decision about K's 5th grade school year.
I keep thinking about one of the hallmarks for many kids with autism diagnoses - the extraordinary ability to have a huge wealth of knowledge about one particular subject. Okay, yes, some describe it as a fixation. What does that mean for me? If there was an evaluation for parents like me, what would our diagnosis be? Getawaybic: The phobia of being away from one's children?
There is a cure, though, I think. One must get away more often...preferably in the company of other adults...accompanied by good food and good beverages. When do we leave?